Oh Shoot !

[JIM CHALOUPKA]

MY PRIVATE PART DIED

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.

One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.

Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,

'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.

'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'

Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy,
she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please
accept my condolences.'

The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the
hall with his Private Part
hanging out of his pajamas.

He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said,
'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.
Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'

'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr Wallace.
'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.

'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy, 'you did tell me that,
but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?'


'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'

[Gary & Peggy Stevens]

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly...

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two bestfriends, Cooter and Gomer.

The three men had always done everything together.

Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,
Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Bubba.'

The mortician thought this was rather strange.
So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.

Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up...

Roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Bubba.'

The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'
Gomer said, 'Well, Bubba had two assholes.'

'What? He had two assholes?' asked the mortician.

'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:

'There's Bubba with them two assholes.'


Gary S.

[merle&louise]

Two guys were in a bar and an arguement broke out: Who is the best RV broker in the world? The first guy said Ken Robertson is the best RV broker in the world - the second guy disagreed.

The first guy says, I can prove it to you - let's go to Tallahassee and I will show you that Ken knows everybody in the capitol including the governor. They go to the capitol and sure enough the governor comes out and shakes hands with Ken - asks him how his family is doing etc. First fellow says, " I told you everybody knows Ken Robertson".

The second guy still not convienced that Ken knows everybody says I'll bet Ken doesn't know President Obama! The first guy says let's go to DC. They go to DC and sure enough President Obama and Ken walk out on the East lawn of the White House!

The second guy still is not convienced that Ken knows everybody says I want more proof! The first guy says, "Let's go to Rome - Ken is a personal friend of the Pope"! So they go to Rome and the same thing happens again - Ken and the Pope come out on the terrace and wave to the crowd. Still doubtful, the second guy asks a stranger standing next to him in the crowd - Is that the Pope up there on the terrace?

The stranger says, "I don't know if that's the Pope, but that Ken Robertson standing next to him"!

[JIM CHALOUPKA]

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,

Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.
Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

[JIM CHALOUPKA]

HELL EXPLAINED


BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.


One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?


If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct.... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

[Gary & Peggy Stevens]

Well we had a nice turn out of bus's and other coaches for a weekend of fun and sun,@ Rayford RV Resort in The Woodlands Tx.

There was about 20 people that met there for the weekend of cooking out, laughing and Margaritas.

Regan brought his new margarita machine and made batches of them for all to enjoy.

Regan was in his new 98 Prevost Country Coach, and as you can imagine he was very proud of his new ride, as well he should be.

Well can you imagine his surprise when during the cocktail hour, someone put this sign out in front of his bus. "BANK REPO ALL SERIOUS OFFERS CONSIDERED" I think Regan actually got an offer, but I think he refused it?

Great Weekend

[JIM KELLER]

Regan, I can't tell for sure by the picture but if your Country Coach has the much sought after Plastic Shield I have the correct size new grommets for the lower mounting hardware. Let me know if you need any.

[dreamchasers]

Jim,

I am wanting to replace all the rubber grommets in my shield. Where did you find them?

Hector,
(Country Coach owner, with plastic shield.)

[JIM CHALOUPKA]

I became confused when I heard the word "Service" used with these agencies

Internal Revenue 'Service'
U.S. Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
Cable TV'Service'
Civil 'Service'
State, City, County & Public 'Service'
Customer 'Service'

This is not what I thought 'Service' meant.

But then I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service'a few cows.
BAM!!It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.

[rahangman]

So the 1st Pogger said to the 2nd Pogger..."Hey, I just ordered another Dozen of these magnificent Oysters, cause you know what they do!"
The 2nd Pogger says, "Yea, I know, but don't believe everything you hear, I had a dozen last night, and only 11 worked!"