Oh Shoot !

[Gary & Peggy Stevens]

OH SHOOT !

His request approved, the Fox News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for Fox Cable News,' he responded. 'And I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is .. you're NOT my flight instructor?'

[sawdust_128]

a good one!

[Gary & Peggy Stevens]

Here are some roads less traveled we all should avoid.

Be sure and read about each of these roads below each picture.

http://www.travelandleisure.com/slid...scariest-roads

[Gary & Peggy Stevens]

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied. 'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?


Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

[dalej]

Gary! What's going on down there at the Sugar Shack? Can't you work on your bus or something? Ask Peg what to do!

[sawdust_128]

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years andcame to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.


Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks thatfollowed, in California an archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: 'California archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'

One week later, The Fayetteville Observer, a local newspaper in North Carolina, reported the following: After digging as deep as 30 feet in his back yard in Cumberland County, North Carolina, Bubba Graham, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, NorthCarolina had already gone wireless.North Carolina has always been on the leading edge.....

[Gary & Peggy Stevens]

Gary! What's going on down there at the Sugar Shack? Can't you work on your bus or something? Ask Peg what to do!

Dale, I usually don't have to ask Peg what to do, SHE JUST TELLS ME

[Gary & Peggy Stevens]

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during the last Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

Weightlifting commentator:'This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'


Dressage commentator:
'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'


Paul Hamm, Gymnast:'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'


Boxing Analyst:
'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'


Softball announcer:
'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'


Basketball analyst:'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'


At the rowing medal ceremony:
'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the Cox of the British crew.'


Soccer commentator:
'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'


Tennis commentator:
'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.. Oh my God, what have I just said?'


Gary S.

[Gary & Peggy Stevens]

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . . having friends.

At age 17 success is . . . having a driver's license.

At age 35 success is . . . having friends.

At age 50 success is . . . having money.

At age 70 success is . .. having a driver license.

At age 75 success is . . . having friends.

At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

Just ONE Big Cycle isn't it?

[lewpopp]

I'm sure you are not speaking from experience, but you sure are ( hate to use this word ) dead on, just ask Harry.