Oh Shoot !

[Darrell McCarley]

RON........Welcome aboard. You will enjoy this site.

[Joe Cannarozzi]

Darrell chalks up a referral and wins the attaboy and a pat on the back

[JIM CHALOUPKA]

It was raining here today so I thought I would go down to the club for lunch, and to see what was going on, haven't been there in quite some time. Hanging my rain coat up in the crowded coat room I heard to hats talking. One said to the other I don't want to get wet again you go on a head, I'll hang around for awhile.

JIM

[dale farley]

Jim, You must be bored.!!!!

[JIM CHALOUPKA]

You nailed it you old carpenter you!

JIM

[Gary & Peggy Stevens]

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you
help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know
where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air
balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above
sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100
degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still
lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going.
You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made
a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your
problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but
somehow, now it's my fault.


Had to Pass this one on....

Gary S.

[Gary & Peggy Stevens]

http://videos.komando.com/2008/11/26/rich-little/

Had to pass this video clip on for a little laugh.

Gary S.

[JIM CHALOUPKA]

A women brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out a stethoscope and listened to the birds chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.

He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever.

As the ducks owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took him out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat.

The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the women and said, "I am sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck owner still in shock, took the bill.

"$250?" she cried, $250 just to tell me my duck is dead?"


The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the LAB Report and the CAT Scan, it's now $250."


JIM

[Gary & Peggy Stevens]

THOSE TEXANS
Gabriel went to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you. We have some Texans up here who are causing some real problems... They're swinging on the Pearly Gates, my horn is missing, and they are wearing T-shirts instead of their robes; there's barbecue sauce and picante sauce all over everything, especially their T-shirts; their dogs are riding in the chariots and chasing the sheep.

They are wearing baseball caps and cowboy hats instead of their halos.

They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clean, and their boots are marking and scuffing up the halls of Wisdom. There are watermelon seeds and tortilla chip crumbs all over the place. Some of them are walking around with just one wing; and they insist on bringing their darn horses with them."

The Lord said, "Texans are Texans, Gabriel. Heaven is home to all of my children. If you want to know about real problems, call the Devil."

So Gabriel calls the Devil who answers the phone and says, "Hello -- hold on a minute...”

When he returns to the phone the Devil says, "O.K., I'm back. What can I do for you?"

Gabriel replied, "I just want to know what kinds of problems you are having down there with the Texans."

The Devil said, "Hold on again. I need to check on something."

After about 5 minutes the Devil returns to the phone and said. "I'm back. Now what was the question?"

Gabriel said, "What kind of problems are you having down there with the Texans?"

The Devil says, "Man, I don't believe this...hold on!!!!"

This time the Devil was gone 15 minutes and when he returns he says, "I'm sorry Gabriel -- I can't talk right now!!

Boots and Coots has put out the fire down here and now Halliburton is installing air conditioning!!!!"

Always remember ... TEXANS SURVIVE ... despite the odds against us!!!

YeeHAAAAAA !

Gary S.

[Gary & Peggy Stevens]

Don't you love it when folks are recognized for their actions

I was on my way to Wal*Mart this morning to do my part to stimulate the economy and I found myself behind this little car bearing a bumper sticker that read..."We did it! - Obama / Biden".

Well, as luck would have it she pulled along side of me at a red light about a half mile down the road. I beeped my horn and gave her a big thumbs up. She rolled down her window and I said..."I love your bumper sticker!'
She thanked me ... and I quickly added, "It's good that you are taking responsibility for your mistake!"

She gave me the finger and drove off.

Humorless bitch...


Gary S.