Oh Shoot !

[Ray Davis]

Indeed it is ...

[Will Garner]

Not working but usually commuting and about 20 minutes out at 6:00 PM. Can we make it 19:00 Eastern Daylight Savings Time?

[michaeldterry]

Not working but usually commuting and about 20 minutes out at 6:00 PM. Can we make it 19:00 Eastern Daylight Savings Time?

That's 7:00PM Eastern, 6:00PM Central, 5:00PM Mountain, 4:00PM Pacific for us civilians!

Actually, to be safe and accomodate those who work for a living, we probaby should make it 21:00, or 9:00PM Eastern, 8:00PM Central, 7:00PM Mountain, 6:00PM Pacific!

[Will Garner]

2100 is my bed time. I get up at 0415 to get ready to go to work. I might be able to log on and then log off but I might fall asleep on my keyboard!

[JIM CHALOUPKA]

Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Ron's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.

And then she said, "Do what ever you want."


So, Here I am.

[JIM CHALOUPKA]

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter You'll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes..

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips, This is rather awkward to say but you will also have to, as part of your job assignment, satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive.

A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. located above the garage will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year.."

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshyttin me?"

The social worker said, " Yeah, well, you started it."

[rahangman]

I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have
sex at 72!

I'm sooooo happy, because I live at unit 67..... so it's not far to
walk home afterwards!

[Gary & Peggy Stevens]

You are TOO Funny Rodger. That was a great laugh.

Gary S.

[Gary & Peggy Stevens]

Last Tuesday President Obama got off the helicopter in front of the White House carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared-away Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said,

"Nice pigs, sir."

The President replied, "These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas razorbacks. I got one for Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."

The squared-away Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and said,

"Excellent trade, sir."

[JIM CHALOUPKA]

An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.'

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON !'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are drunks,
not all blondes are dumb,
.......but all men...are men.