The Pearly Gates

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flushing toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flushing toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there. Send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"



Taken from Thirdage.com without permission

Good one Dale...

Did you hear about the Hollywood lawyer? One day he is in his Limo, on his way home to lunch. His driver is just pulling onto the freeway, and whilst on the ramp the lawyer looks out of the window and sees what appears to be two homeless guys on their hands and knees eating the grass along the ramp.

He picks up the coms and tells the driver to pull over. He gets out of the limo, martini still in hand and walks over to the two homeless chaps and asks them what they are doing.

They reply that its very embarrassing, but they had lost their jobs, had no money, and were starving, henceforth they were eating the grass.

The counselor takes pity on them, and tells them to hop in the limo, as he is going to take them to his house for luncheon. The two reply that they would love to go, but each of them has a wife and two children, hiding in the bushes nearby.

The attorney thinks it over, while taking a sip of his martini.... He tells them that their is room for everyone! The whole homeless lot pile into the limo and they whisk away...

The exit Mulholland drive, and are winding their way up the canyon, into the area of the multi million dollar mansions.

The one homeless chap exclaims, wow mister, your limo is really something, I cannot wait to see your house!!

The counselor grins widely, and holds his hand about waist high, and says.. You guys are going to love it there, the grass there is about this high!
:p