OK JDUB Just a thought or two..
THE ANAL STAGE - FREUD
AUTONOMY VERSUS SHAME AND DOUBT - ERIKSON
THE EARLY CHILDHOOD YEARS
All of us recall the;TERRIBLE TWOS;, a troubling time of testing our newfound personal power. Our home became a battleground of wills between our newly discovered ;selves; and our testy parents who once gave us everything but now seem determined to take everything away that is fun, interesting and tasty! We have boundless energy to explore and discover. Our developing muscle system gives us power as we walk, run, touch and explore with glee. We are literally a child in a huge toystore. We grab and take what is forbidden and fiercely assert that it is MINE. We respond with animal rage when we are forbidden to touch or to take what is obviously ours. After we bite, hit, scream or yell and are still not given OUR possession back, we throw a temper tantrum to express our frustration.
We develop a sense of ourselves, a PRIDE in what we can do.
This second psychosocial crisis to ERIKSON is a crisis of power - AUTONOMY VERSUS SHAME AND DOUBT. We need to freely explore to gain a sense of pride and accomplishment, but we need to strike a delicate balance between total freedom (what we want) and the limits and controls of our parents (what others want.)
The TERRIBLE TWOS are a struggle for us to assert and define our sense of autonomy and willpower. We want to do itOUR WAY to demonstrate our power and independence.
AUTONOMY-THE FOUNDATION FOR SELF-ESTEEM
Constant negative responses control and teach the child that he has no will power and thus no real power as a separate individual. The AUTONOMY, the strength of the self that we so admire in successful adults can be weakened early in childhood. The unbridled passion of the toddler to explore and assert himself can be squashed. The essential part of the child that was forming - a strong will and sense of personal power and control over his destiny - dies. The toddler retreats from active exploration and is filled with feelings of self-doubt and a lack of self-worth.
AUTONOMY IS THE FOUNDATION FOR SELF-ESTEEM. If we don't have a strong sense of self, we look to others for our identity and confirmation of our value and worth. The overly-controlled child becomes RETENTIVE, and holds back feelings and actions. He or she seeks psychological safety in becoming a yes man, abiding by the rules of others. The retentive child develops a strong CONSCIENCE that monitors his actions so that he will be good avoiding possible punishment and internal feelings of guilt.
The way a child responds to the inevitable frustrations of not getting everything he wants is directly related to the quality of attachment in his first year of life. The unloved child may even become a psychopath as an adult, breaking rules with absolutely no conscience or guilt, totally unresponsive to the needs of others.
In early childhood we must learn to respect and honor the rights and feelings of others. If we are neglected, abused or allowed to get our way too much of the time, we may learn that we do not have to care what others think or feel. We remain EGOCENTRIC, fixated in the anal stage, demanding that the world conform to our expectations. Fixated in our self-centered world view, we have little tolerance for frustration and act-out with temper-tantrums.
There are incessant pressures on the child to learn to control his emotions, his selfish desires and even his bodily functions at the age of two. He is "trained" - trained what to touch, what to say, how to dress, eat and even "toilet-trained." The young child is disciplined and punished and told "don't" endlessly, threatening his freedom and self-esteem.
TOILET-TRAINING TRAUMAS
Toilet-training is one of the first set of experiences a child has with external discipline. During the process of toilet-training, the mother pressures the child to learn to control the anal-sphincter muscle that allows the child to withhold elimination of feces. The mother clearly communicates her feelings about cleanliness and self-control. Unfortunately some parents are too strict and act like the child is an animal that must be broken.
A child of two does not understand that his feces are bad or smelly. In fact given freedom a child is likely to pick them up and write on the walls with his "creative" product! In the animal kingdom we find no such disgust for the process and product of elimination. We teach the child "shame" in himself and his body and may view his needs as "dirty." We talk of shame and humiliation as being caught "with one's pants down. "
Toilet-training is a test of mutual respect and self-regulation between parent and child. The child must gradually learn to control his bowels willingly. If outer control is too rigid and demanding or if toilet-training is begun before the child can successfully control his muscles, the child will rebel.
The gradual learning of self-control without a loss of self-esteem and pride leads to successful resolution of the second social crisis as defined by Erikson - AUTONOMY AND PRIDE. Parental over control may lead to a sense of powerlessness and lack of control leading to a sense of SHAME AND DOUBT.
A parent who is tolerant and yet firm when necessary helps their child develop both self-esteem and self-control. The parent who shows obvious pride in a child's accomplishments including his "going in the potty" promotes a child's growing sense of pride.
ANAL-RETENTIVE & ANAL-EXPULSIVE PERSONALITIES
Freud postulated that there were two personality types that could evolve from the frustrations of the anal stage of development. He labeled on character type the ANAL RETENTIVE, the child who learns to hold back his or her feelings to gain the approval of others. If training or punishment is too strict, the child may learn to defend himself from being guilty by becoming compulsively near, orderly, obedient, and by holding back his feelings and needs.
The ANAL RETENTIVE child may "over-control" behavior to make sure he does not error. He holds back his feelings. . Anal-retentives tend to have a strong conscience and tend to follow traditional roles. They set high standards and perform well at work. They are dependable, responsible and are obedient employees. To avoid shame and doubt, anal-retentives are meticulous, precise and tend to be obsessive about dirt and rigid about rules and regulations. They are almost always on time and their work is neat and orderly. They are conservative in their views and have a strong controlling sense of duty. They are strict parents who set high standards of achievement for their children.
They may be rather shy and introverted if they are worried about what others will think or how they might be judged.
Anal-retentives learn to live up to the expectations of others to avoid punishment and to receive praise. They may have to "achieve" to win the affection and attention of others to make them feel worthy. Often the "over-achievers" in the world are anal-retentive character types. Some may become compulsive. responsibilities for taking care of younger siblings.
The ANAL-EXPULSIVE character type is self-confident, assertive, outgoing and is relatively uninhibited. The expulsive expresses feelings easily and is independent in thought and action. A persuasive, expressive type, the expulsive is often chosen to be a leader. Expulsives tend to be sensation-seekers who love adventure and travel.